Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
