take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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