I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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