I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
