So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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