Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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