I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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