All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
