it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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