Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
