I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
