Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
