I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
