How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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