Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
