I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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