He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
