I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
