no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
