There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
