omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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