I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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