turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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