Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
PANTIES FOUND
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