I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
