alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
