This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
