He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
did i just pee glitter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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