And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
