So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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