how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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