her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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