Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
