I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
