my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
