She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize