Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
