youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
