They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
