I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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