Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize