I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
