There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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