haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
