this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
