Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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