Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
