thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
