3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
