he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
