I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
