he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
