Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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