Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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