Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
