I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
