used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have aggressive nipples.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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