I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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