Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
