I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
