Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
