youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
