you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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