he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize