hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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