Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm at about main and main street
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize