just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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