my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize