1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
