i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
