He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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