why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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